The Telly Nelly Blog

Satan Made Me Forget "Dante's Cove" Season 2 Premiere Today!

How?

How could I *dare* forget that today marks the premiere of here! television's second season of the supernatural soap "Dante's Cove?"

The horror! The unmitigated horror!

That's right kids - if you're into demons, devilish fun and no shortage of dirty deeds and dicks (sorry girls, but your body parts don't begin with "d") you'll want to tune in to season two today.

Of course the first season of "Dante's Cove" is available on DVD so you simply must pick it up if you're a "Dante's Cove" virgin. (WARNING: You May Be Sacrificed - pop that Dante's cherry before you get in serious trouble!)

If you're just too cheap or lazy to buy the DVD, here! has a good plot synopsis on their web site, but it's no substitution for the real thing...

Enjoy sinners!

First Katie, Now Rosie - Who Cares?

Honestly...who gives a flying f*ck if the big television networks Photoshop the fat off their on- camera talent? Doesn't the camera put ten pounds on anyway? The way I see it, this is corrective digital surgery. Do we really care that Katie Couric got 'shopped? Are you really all that surprised? (If so, you need to get out more darling!)

Look, it's not like you're being mislead - these aren't on-line dating photos; they're photographs meant to promote TV shows.

This is just absurd. Beyond absurd, in fact.

But I gotta give Rosie credit for stickin' to her fatness...go Rosie! And hey, if she ever tires of TV, she probably has a career in digital remastering!

GLBT Television Picks 9.1.06

Why must Friday sometimes feel like Monday?

Blah. What a crap night for TV...

What's on The Telly Tonight?

"Stand Up or Shut Up"

7:05 p.m. ET - STARZ

Gay on STARZ? You bet! This comedy show regularly showcases the talents of gay comic Steven Hanley. Not only is he funny, he's not too hard on the eyes. (Kind of like ANT used to be before he had his brows plucked beyond comprehension.) If you like gay comedy, check out Steven's work. If you'd like to know more about this original STARZ series, go here for more info.

"Showgirls"

9:00 p.m. ET - LOGO

Heck, you know it's a slow night on TV when "Showgirls" shows up on my blog! I wouldn't watch this movie twice, but you totally have to watch it if you're a "Showgirls" virgin...it's just too bizarre for words. Gina Gershon plays the bisexual Cristal who has eyes for the up-and-coming Vegas showgirl Nomi (Elizabeth Berkley). There are lots of gays and lesbians sprinkled throughout the cast. It's really bad...so bad it's good...but still pretty damn bad.

"Belle de Jour"

10:00 p.m. ET - Sundance

I just love Catherine Deneuve, don't you? Her name is just soooo much fun to say! Anyhow, dear Catherine plays a bored housewife turned prostitute - but at least she's in a high-class brothel, none of that skid-row crap for her! Her madame (Genevieve Page) is a lesbian and takes a fancy to Catherine, of course. How could she not?!

"Anderson Cooper 360"

10:00 p.m. ET - CNN

When there's very little gay to watch, I always check out good ol' Andy and see what he's got to say. It's usually gloom this and doom that, but since tomorrow is Saturday, who cares!

"The Minor Accomplishments of Jackie Woodman"

11:00 p.m. ET - IFC

As always, there are nuggets of brilliance present in this otherwise flawed series - tonight's episode is no exception. When Jackie has a car towed for its extremely annoying late night sound-off, she meets a new "friend" who wants to help her get ahead in the biz. There's much gayness in this episode as Tara's boyfriend Conner (Butch Klein) is outed in a rather shocking way - shocking to Tara that is. The last 30 seconds of the episode really stretches reality to the point of breaking, which rather cements my conception of the show - it's a bit too unrealistic for my taste (and I watch "Lost"). As always, this episode isn't for the children - especially since there's a tad bit of nudity...the erect kind, that is.

GLBT Television Picks 8.31.06

Alas! The end of August is upon us! But really, that's okay - now we can layer! (Huzzah!)

What's on The Telly Nelly Tonight?

"2006 MTV Video Music Awards"

8:00 p.m. ET - MTV

Oh lordy lou - out come the slutty and often bizarre music stars! (Did Boy George get an invite? Has he finished cleaning up China Town?) Madonna is nominated in numerous categories for "Hung Up" and I'm sure there are some gay musicians in the mix too. Rumor has it Ne-Yo could be coming out in a magazine next month...what do you think? Our first big gay hip-hop star? (No, Elton John does *NOT* count. Yet.) It's rather RATHER unlikely however as Ne-Yo's peeps say it's not happening people! He just happens to look really gay and slutty all the time, that's all. No big whoop. But back to TV stuff - the MTV Music Awards are always shocking in some fashion and since Justin Timberlake is performing "Sexy Back" tonight, you know there's gonna be some meaty treats on stage! The ladies, of course, should be equally pleased by some of the performances and performers...there's always plenty of hubba hubba for everyone and surprise guests to boot. Oh, and lady Aguilera will be performing, which should make readers of The Advocate happy - all three of ya! (*wink*)

"Celebrity Duets" - Repeat of Tuesday's premiere

8:00 p.m. ET - FOX

Don't get too excited people - it's just a repeat of Tuesday's performances. But if you missed Jai Rodriguez and Little Richard first time around here's your chance to catch them in action once more. Once was enough for me thanks, but I'd totally watch it again because of the Little Richard and Lucy Lawless and perhaps for the Jai.

"Big Brother 7: All Stars"

8:00 p.m. ET - CBS

Another loser gets sent to the sequester house - you know, I really thought the season six folks would do better...go fig! (Let's just hope Janelle wins!) Or hell, I'd even like to see Chicken George win, and I know I'm not alone...but he might be going home after tonight's elimination as he's up on the block. (I hope it's Danielle instead.)

"Grey's Anatomy"

8:00 p.m. ET - ABC

Delicious! It's a Thanksgiving repeat with a steaming side of gay when Joe (Steven W. Bailey) brings his boyfriend Walter (Jack Yang) to Izzy's Thanksgiving dinner. I'm sure I could make a joke about stuffing and gobbling, but really - I'm better than that. No really! Who knew this show was so darn gay? Not I! (I admit I shy away from the medical dramas.)

"A Closer Walk"

9:00 p.m. ET - PBS (Check your local listings - time could vary by region)

Wonder what all those bling-laden rock-stars could be doing with their money? Follow Glenn  Close and Will Smith in this acclaimed documentary about the global AIDS epidemic and find out. No fluff here folks, just the brutal truth about AIDS and what we ain't doing.

"Who Wants to Be A Superhero" - Season finale

9:00 p.m. ET - Sci Fi

It's ALL about the Fat Momma! Go Fat Momma, go! Since this is the season finale, you never know - they could bring back the gay loser who never made it into the club house...I think his name was Levity. If Fat Momma doesn't win, I'm going on a hunger strike Mr. Lee! If she wins, I think her made-for-TV movie would be a hoot. While she's no lesbian, she's totally got your back if you are a lesbian, she's all about protecting the minorities from bullies. (Like our "president" for instance.)

"ANT: America is Ready"

10:00 p.m. ET - LOGO

I dunno ANT, I'd argue that America *isn't* all that ready. But then again, I'm gun shy when it comes to men with ultra-plucked eyebrows. I think I'd rather watch his other show on LOGO...not as ANT heavy, you know?

"The Henry Rollins Show" - Eddie Izzard drops by

11:00 p.m. ET - IFC

It's crazy that neither of 'em are gay, though I wish both of 'em were. (I'd only sleep with Rollins, of course. But I'd go shopping with Eddie!)

The Vincent Effect on "Project Runway"

Oh my god. This whole Vincent thing on "Project Runway" is driving me crazy.

CRAZY!

You cannot tell me that Vincent's black-on-black jet setting ensemble was appropriate for the challenge - sheer madness! Not that I think Kayne had the best outfit on the plane (far from it) but at least he styled something, unlike Vincent's garbage-bag inspired leisure wear. Blah. He looked quite out of place going down the runway...it was like the spring collection for San Quentin. I'm nearly outraged. (If it had been Kayne going home instead of Angela, I would truly be outraged. Heidi, you got off easy this week!) Vincent - why do they like you? Is it some phermone you exude? I just don't get it...must be "The Vincent Effect!" (Similiar to the "Wendy Pepper" effect but less nausiating.)

Poor Uli finally got hers - crap for designing the same ol' dress (though rather beautiful) time after time. Sort of like Laura does, mind you, but more obvious. Speaking of Laura, nice outfit but it could use a little more umph - some spice. If she'd added a little sizzle, she might have had a chance against Michael. For once, I agree with the judges on the winner - Jeffrey's rockin' suit was perfectly suited to the challenge and his style. I hate to see him win anything, but hell - he deserved it.

Angela did deserve to go, but it should have been Vincent, not Kayne, in the bottom two. Yes, Kayne displayed some incredibly tacky design, but I believe he has beauty in him somewhere. (Likely not on his chest or we would have seen it during the show - his shirt seemed to be off more than it was on. Anyone else want to tweak those nips? *giggle*) Next week it looks like Kayne's dress is beautiful and Jefferey designs a dress with a yellow madras print. Very different from the regular blacks and purples he so loves. Wonder what the challenge will be?

Love that they're in Paris - I'm rather looking forward to the next episode as you should be as well...it's gonna be brutal, I'm sure. (It's getting down to the wire after all...) But don't take my word for it...take Tim Gunn's word for it.

You know, it's funny. During season one, I really connected with the models. They've done something with the format since that time...we never really get to see what the models are up to and it takes a little of the fun out of the challenges. Just sayin' is all.

GLBT Television Picks 8.30.06

What's on The Telly Tonight?

"Bones" - Season Premiere

8:00 p.m. ET - FOX

I really hate this show. Hate it! It's not David Borneaz (I luv him) or the chick that plays Brennen - it's the dialog. I don't believe *any* of it. Nor do I believe that the museum she works for would allow her to stuff her office full of priceless artifacts that frankly should be on display somewhere else. Obviously the set designer has never stepped foot in any sort of professional working space - life does not mirror "CSI" folks - no business would invest so much cash in making their behind-the-scenes office look so fancy. But you know, this isn't a design-in-reality blog, it's a gay TV blog so let's get to it. Yes, there's gay in "Bones"- of sorts. Eric Mulligan (gay) continues to play Zack Addy, the child-like genius who likely isn't gay on the show. (To the best of my knowledge, they haven't gone there nor do they plan to go there.) But hey - I know lots of lesbians and gays dig this show - good for you. Me? I'd rather spend the time flossing.

"CBS News on LOGO: Out to Win "

8:00 p.m. ET - LOGO

CBS rolls out the cute and twinkie newsies to get the skinny on LGBT athletes and sporting events. (Water sports, perhaps?) Highlights include the Gay Games in Chicago and the OutGames in Montreal, profiles of sports legends (hello Billie Jean King!) and just why sports are important to gays. (Um...I think it has something to do with muscle tone and sweaty hot guys and girls jiggling about but I might just be mistaken on this one.)

"Gender Rebel"

8:30 p.m. ET - LOGO

This original documentary explores the role gender identity plays in contemporary society and how individuals who refuse to fit either mold are shattering traditional concepts and blurring the line of gender division. Frankly I find this trans stuff fascinating - bring on the diversity, I'm lovin' your courage!

"The Hill"

9:00 p.m. ET - Sundance

Got Bush? Oh yes, you do. Too much in fact! With the evil W back in office and pushing Social Security reform, Wexler and his staff attempt to offer an alternative plan, much to the angst of their own party. (Party poopers!) Eric Johnson, the openly gay chief of staff, is tasked with brainstorming a legislative response to the White House involvement in the CIA leak case. (Boy, was that turn-out disappointing.)

"Scrubs"

9:30 p.m. ET - NBC

This is a repeat of the episode when Elliot and Carla find out that Todd (Robert Maschio) has been lying about his many sexual conquests with women, which leads them to believe his fruit may be falling in the gay orchard of life. (ooooooo...so metaphorical!)

"Half & Half"

9:30 p.m. ET - UPN

What a bunch of turds! In this repeat, Mona and Spencer screw with Adam ( played by gay comic Alec Mapa) by convincing him that he won over $1 million in the lottery. Bastards!

"Project Runway" - And then there was one...Kayne, the lone remaining gay.

10:00 p.m. ET - Bravo

Thank god Tim Gunn hated Vincent's dress last week too - otherwise the show would have totally lost credibility in my mind. (For Tim's dish on Vincent, go to his blog here. He *loathes* him!) Let's face it - we're now watching the Michael and Uli show. They're the only two design stand-outs left at this point. Kayne, Laura and Jeffrey will likely be competing for the final spot as I assume either Vincent or Angela will go home tonight. (Please.) No doubt dear Ms. Seal will be wearing yet another atrocious outfit on the runway as she always does...who the f*ck dresses her in the morning? Eric Brun-Sanglard from "Designing Blind?" Really - she's a mess! And yes Heidi, I don't like you and I know you don't care. I don't care about you either - see, we're even!

"30 Days" - Season Finale

10:00 p.m. ET - FX

They *always* save the best for last, so hopefully tonight's journey into the depths of a U.S. prison will prove fascinating. Don't expect Morgan Spurlock to put someone else in the Big House, even though that's supposed to be the whole point of the show - he'll be the one incarcerated tonight. Though he says that's 'cause he wouldn't want to put an innocent at risk, I'm sure it's just because he couldn't find anyone willing to do it. He should have asked me! The Telly Nelly just loves televised prison dramas! I'm sure there will be a few gay cracks...pun intended!

"Noah's Arc"

10:00 p.m. ET - LOGO

When a British music star tumbles into Noah's life, a regular day turns into a wild time, leading to both a reconnection and a revelation. Oh, the troubles celebs cause to us mere mortals...they're like the gods of ancient times. (But with less swan raping I'm sure.)

"Celebrity Fit Club 4"

10:00 p.m. ET - VH1

I'm still trying to determine just what this has to do with music, but hey - whatever. ANT, the openly gay comic from New Hampshire hosts. There are lots of fat celebrities, but no one I really care about. Lackluster season ahoy!

"Drawn Together"

10:30 p.m. ET - Comedy Central

Xandir needs some help from his roommates - he just can't come out to his parents under his own gay steam. So of course he needs a little practice, care of some "Drawn Together"-style role-playing. Yeah, you can guess what happens. (Captain Hero is a *total* bottom.)

Oh the cheese! "Celebrity Duets" is ripe indeed...

I know, I know...I should have expected it to be cheesy in the extreme. But there was no tell-tale David Hasselhoff presence to tip me off and Marie Osborn's participation hadn't been announced in advance.

How was I to know? How???

Oh, right. Carly Patterson - the fat gymnast. That should have been the tip-off. Not that she's actually fat mind you, but she's quite plump for a gymnast. Poor thing...lay off the Fritos!

Cheese aside, I watched for the Little Richard and Jai Rodriguez and was not disappointed - both shined in their own special way. Jai with his voice and um...rather gay stage presence and Little Richard with his craziness and totally incomprehensible comments. Love him! And was it me, or did he come out like a zillion times by hitting on Chris Jericho and Jai?

(Okay, it was totally just me. But wouldn't it be cool if he *did* come out on national TV?)

Lucy Lawless looked stunning in her last number and sang just as well...Cheech Marin was horrible and should have gone. He's just painful to look at.

You know...it's all a bit unfair. It was obvious who had previous musical talent and who had zero - Jai, Lucy, Alphonso and Hal all have many years of singing under their belt.

Poor Wayne Brady just looked terribly awkward as host - could they have picked a less flattering and appropriate outfit than a three-piece suit? Ugh. I'm sure they were trying to make him seem all Ryan Seacrest, but it's just not his style and it showed. Sad really.

Will I watch again?

Hell yes, but just for Little Richard. I hope he starts going really nuts as he becomes more comfortable in front of the camera. And I hope they replace that scuzzy looking music industry guy (David Foster) too - he looked like crap and I'm nearly 90% sure he smelled like cheap whiskey as well.

That sh*t don't fly with Marie, David!

Speaking of Marie...anyone else think she'll be seeing a upswing in popularity? I, for one, found her thoroughly engaging and her comments were quite helpful. I think she's due for a career revival, just you wait and see!

Ain't Tennis Romantic?

"The US Open" - it's not just for straight couples anymore.

Aren't they just freakin' adorable?

Can I get a big, gay group "Aw" in three?

3...2...1...

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

GLBT Television Picks 8.29.06

What's on The Telly Tonight?

"Celebrity Duets" - Series Premiere

The Telly Nelly's Pick of the Day - Jai Rodriquez sings with someone famous...

8:00 p.m. ET - FOX

Well I'll say this - they didn't skimp on the star power this time around. Okay so Lucy Lawless ("Battlestar Galactica"), Hal Sparks ("Queer As Folk") and Jai Rodriquez ("Queer Eye") aren't totally A-List quite yet, they're still way above the usual celeb flotsam and jetsam we get from FOX reality shows. (Think "Dancing with the Stars.") I'm totally not a fan of karaoke or the blatant use of celebrities to achieve monumental ratings but hey - I really don't have much else to watch on Tuesdays.  So why Jai? A four-year stint in "Rent!" Hal Sparks? He's in a band called "Zero 1" - no kidding! They're even releasing their first album soon. Lawless? Besides singing in "Xena," she's been in the Broadway musical "Grease" and in "Gentleman Prefer Blondes" you know. See, they're *all* pretty worthy. I'll watch this once - if it amuses, I might watch again when they actually start the real season the first week of September. And there's a good chance it'll amuse as one of my favorite celebs, Little Richard, will be a judge. Go Richard! Woooooooooooooooo!

"Big Brother 7: All-Stars"

8:00 p.m. ET - CBS

Rumor has it Danielle flips out tonight which should make for some tasty television. It might even lead to her eviction on Thursday which would make Marcellas deliriously happy now wouldn't it? I think tonight, Doogie (Neil Patrick Harris) is scheduled to drop by and visit the cast. Um...why? Now that's just gay.

"Million Dollar Listing" - Series Premiere

9:0o p.m. ET - Bravo

If you're into real estate, you'll likely love this new reality series that follows ten buyer/seller agents as they do their best to make big bucks in the Malibu and Hollywood real estate game in California. Did you know it's legal to represent both the buyer and the seller in California? That's crazy! Anyhow, there's definitely gay in this series but not quite yet - they get to a gay Hollywood Realtor later in the series, around episode four. In a week or so they'll feature a very angry gay man who wants to sell his house, but you'll have to wait another week until that happens. For now, sit back and take it all in. If you don't like what you see, don't watch next week. See, it's *easy.*

"Eureka"

9:00 p.m. ET - Sci Fi

Okay, still very little gay happening on this show (except for that cafe guy Vincent of course) but tonight everyone goes crazy for some super science drug. Were I being ignorant, I could compare this to the gay communties' crystal epidemic to drum up some gayness where very little gayness lingers, but I'm above that, really I am.

"Queer Eye"

10:00 p.m. ET - Bravo

The Fab Five help a fat fitness club manager lose those unsightly pounds. Hey, I can understand that - must be quite frustrating to be the only big n' sweaty man in a club full of hot, muscled bods. In fact, I hope the boys hit the showers...speaking of hitting the showers, have you seen this yummy spoiler for "Nip/Tuck" - it's a shower scene with Mario Lopez "Saved by the Bell" - HOT! Gotta love Towleroad...

"Rescue Me" - Season Finale

10:00 p.m. ET - FX

You know, I want them to commit: is Probie gay, straight or bisexual damn it???? I suppose this is actually a very realistic representation of what happens to a straight guy when he considers going gay, but damn...it's frustrating! I want him to be full on gay!!! I'll admit I was shocked when Tommy's brother bit it, but more shocking is Tommy's decision to woo both Sheila and Janet...that's crazy!

"In the Sun: Michael Stipe and Friends"

10:00 p.m. ET - Sundance

Michael Stipe cares. Deeeeply. That's why he recorded "In the Sun" a zillion ways to Sunday - to benefit the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Join R.E.M., Coldplay, the Black-Eyed Peas and others as they talk about just how darn important this massive remix was. Enjoy!

"Breaking Up w/Shannen Doherty"

10:00 p.m. ET - Oxygen

Oh Shannen, you're so sassy. And those eyes! You could fry kittens with your smoldering looks! (Not that I recommend you try, the ASPCA is sooo touchy about that sort of thing.) Tonight Shannen continues to help idiots break up with the jobs and people they love to hate...when really she should be *teaching* them this valuable life lesson so they're able to cut the cord themselves later on in life. But hey - I don't really care. I could watch Shannen dump losers all night long!

"Real World XVII: The Shit We Should Have Shown"

10:00 p.m. ET - MTV

Never before scenes from "Real World: Key West." You couldn't pay me to watch. Blah!

GLBT Television Picks 8.28.06

Hmmm...another damp n' dreary Monday for The Telly Nelly...sigh.

It'd be a different story had Elizabeth Perkins won for "Weeds" last night as should have been the case. Actually, other than Conan O'Brian, I thought the Emmy's were kinda...dull. I didn't expect to find dear Conan quite so funny - it was a rather pleasing twist of fate! And help me Jebus, what was with the Tim Gunn worst-dressed pre-show segment? That was just cruel - at least let the stars get home before you start trashin' em! (The exception being Candice Bergen who looked like she was wearing a gypsy's tent. Horrid. She should be punished!)

What's on The Telly Tonight?

"The US Open" - Likely gayer than we'll ever know...

11:00 a.m. ET - USA

Tennis guys are hot...especially James Blake and Andre Agassi. Yum! Of course there's plenty of bouncy bouncy girl action too for the ladies - but I prefer to keep my eyes on the balls at all times.

"Prison Break"

8:00 p.m. ET - FOX

The hottie brothers (Michael and Lincoln) break off from the pack to rescue Lincoln's son AJ. I'm hoping Lincoln gets all teary again tonight...I just love it when he cries. Heck, I'm still hoping they send everyone back to prison so we get another chance at some Avocado-style lovin'. (Is that so wrong?) The sexually loosey-goosey T-Bag goes under the knife tonight so he's no longer sans-hands...without any meds, naturally. (Ouch!)

"The Hill" - Season Premiere Repeat

8:00 p.m. ET - Sundance

If you missed the premiere of "The Hill" - check it out tonight. It's a look at the inner-workings of Congressman Robert Wexler's office back in 2004 and features Eric Johnson, Wexler's openly gay Chief of Staff. Rather interesting stuff!

"Weeds"

10:00 p.m. ET - Showtime

Will we be in for more delicious Isabelle/Celia motherhood moments tonight? Oh yes, we will as Celia sends dear "Izabelly" to weight-loss boot camp so she can prepare for fat camp. (Good lord!) I live, love and exist for the dynamic between the cancerous mommy and her lesbian-prone adolescent...takes the edge off the whole drug-dealing thing. And I still maintain my belief that Celia's Jewish hubby is kinda hot...at least cute as a button, no? No? Screw you! Of course, the real news is that DEA Peter is on to dear Nancy's secret...but it's not like he's gonna blow the whistle - that'd make for a pretty quick season. Tonight: Uncle Andy (Justin Kirk) sounds off on masturbation. Fun!

"Transgeneration Reunion"

10:00 p.m. ET - Sundance

I'd watch this one over the "Real World: Key West" reunion any day! In this reunion special, we catch up on the four transgender college students who chronicled a year of their lives as they underwent gender reassignment. If you're curious as to what happened to Raci, Gabbie, T.J. and Lucas, do watch. No one gets killed by an angry mob of drunken straight men, which is a promising start, no?

"Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat"

10:00 p.m. ET - MTV

God I love this show...it's so...light, pointless and just a whole mess o' fun. Go Derek and Diem! This show is definitely my number one guilty pleasure...don't hate me!

"Fashion Police: The 2006 Emmy Awards"

10:00 p.m. ET - E!

This show is a necessary evil. Ask Candice...she knows why.